The Effects of Media on the Skinny Side of Eating Disorders

What is the most deadly psychological disorder today? If you guessed an eating disorder, then you are right. According to WebMD, eating disorders are illnesses that cause a person to adopt harmful eating habits. So, does this make WebMD just a great resource, or is this really true, and is an eating disorder really a dangerous illness? Most sufferers of an eating disorder are often mocked about their problem, and they are not taken seriously. People should not misinterpret or disbelieve sufferers of an eating disorder because it is, in fact, a very serious illness. There are, however, minor cases of eating disorders but there are far too many deaths related to them, thus we must take this issue very seriously and approach it with care.

Why are eating disorders the greatest killers among the many different psychological disorders? This is because of the media, as well as the disorder’s dramatic and deadly affects on the body. Today, media is in our lives no matter where we go. From television, radio, and the news, to magazines, newspapers, and the internet, media plays a big role in the spreading ideas, norms, and styles to people. Media spreads information really quickly to millions of people. Media is around people no matter where they turn, and they face it on a daily basis in some form. So, how is media related to eating disorders? This question, and many other questions, will be answered after we get a better understanding of what an eating disorder is, its characteristics, statistics, and ways to prevent and treat it. I will, however, focus only on anorexia and bulimia because they are more affected by the media than overeating disorders are.

People with eating disorders obsess about their intake of food, and they spend a lot of time thinking about their weight and body image. Their body is badly affected both emotionally and physically. People with an eating disorder may suffer from a number of different symptoms, and not everyone gets the same symptoms as they vary from individual to individual. According to the Help Guide-Mental Health Issues, even though anorexia is the most revealed eating disorder in the media, bulimia is the most prevalent eating disorder.

A person suffering from anorexia sees themselves as fat when they are, in fact, skinny and underweight. Their weight does not match their height, activity level or age. They get bad memory, feel depressed, have a fear of gaining weight, feel light headed, and often faint. Women with anorexia may have problems with their menstrual cycle such as missed or late periods, as well as trouble getting pregnant. Woman who are pregnant have a higher risk of a miscarriage and a higher risk to need to deliver their baby through C-section. People suffering from anorexia can also have muscle and joint problems, kidney stones, kidney failure, anemia, bloating, constipation, low levels of potassium, magnesium, and sodium in their bodies, low blood pressure, slow heart rate, and heart failure. Some physical signs that can be seen on a person suffering from anorexia are dry or yellow skin, brittle nails, more hair growth on their body, and thin and brittle hair. A person with anorexia may also get cold easily, bruise easily, and feel down a lot.

A person suffering from bulimia can get the same effects as a person suffering from anorexia since both disorders involve the loss of major and rapid weight, which leads to very unhealthy changes in the body. Symptoms between anorexia and bulimia sufferers differ in the way that sufferers of bulimia would eat a lot of food in a short amount of time and then force themselves to throw up, when people with anorexia just don’t want to eat altogether. People with bulimia also misuse laxatives and go on strict diets of fasting and rigorous exercising. Sufferers from eating disorders in general are affected emotionally, psychologically, behaviorally, and socially. Emotional and psychological changes include increased anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, guilt, and low self esteem. Some changes in behavior of a person suffering from an eating disorder include dieting, frequent visits to the bathroom after eating, a change in fashion, and constantly checking their weight. Some social changes of a person suffering from an eating disorder may include isolation, being anti-social, avoiding social gatherings where food is involved, and a loss of interest for hobbies. Other physical signs of eating disorders in general include edema, a reduction in metabolism, sore throats, stomach problems, heartburn, and hypoglycemia; which leads to irrational thinking, shaking, confusion, irritability, and comas.

Eating disorders have a big impact on society on a small and on a large scale; meaning both individuals and society as a whole dedicate significant parts of their lives to the struggles of dealing with eating disorders. A lot of money and time go into the troubles of dealing with an eating disorder, as well as into the measures taken in order to treat and prevent them. Eating disorders are very common amongst celebrities, mainly because their profession puts pressure on them to be skinny. The majority of celebrities that we see in the media are all skinny, and most of them are anorexic or bulimic. The fans of these celebrities look at the bodies of their idols and they want to be like them. The problem with this is that anorexic and skinny celebrities do not make good role models for their fans because their skinny figures are not a healthy look to follow. Famous people believe that in order to be successful they must be skinny. This is not true. Celebrities expose their looks and body image to the media where fans can see them and get the wrong idea that their idol’s looks are acceptable when their idols are only trying to lose weight for their own “success”. In a weight article, Monica Seles stated that “Women in society have much tougher pressure to be thin.” It is like a cycle; celebrities are skinny in order to impress their fans and companies. They send their fans the wrong idea, thus making their fans lose weight. In the end, everyone has the idea that they must be thin and they must lose weight, thus, being skinny becomes the norm.

According to the article “Eating Disorders and Body Image in the Media” by Heather Mudgett, media can be very hypocritical because while the media shares news about celebrities dying from eating disorders, it also contains images of underweight celebrities modeled as if everyone should look like them. We might also see an article about a person dying from an eating disorder in a magazine, and on the next page we might see an underweight model, modeling a popular product. The underweight images of people in the media give consumers the wrong idea that being skinny is OK and that there is nothing wrong with it, when, in fact, being that skinny can lead to a person’s own death. Consumers spend so much money on products and services that will help them lose weight, such as weight loss drinks, nutrition bars, pills, laxatives, weight loss videos, and they even take weight loss classes. People also misuse drugs and liquids in order to force themselves to lose weight, and this can be very stressing to the body. Any time that we do something against our body’s natural functions, we hurt our body and put ourselves at great risk to further health problems in the future.

So many celebrities suffer and have died from eating disorders. Singer Karen Carpenter was struggling with anorexia and bulimia and after she went to treatment for years, everyone thought that she had recovered and was doing better. After that, she was found dead on the bathroom floor in her parent’s house. She had a heart attack and it was said that the result of it was because she had abused the drug Ipecac for years. Ipecac is a liquid that is used to induce vomiting, and it is often abused by anorexics and bulimics.

According to the South Carolina Department of Health, about seven million American women and one million American men have an eating disorder. About one in every two hundred women in America has anorexia, and about two or three out of one hundred women have bulimia. About half of Americans know at least one person who has an eating disorder. According to the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders, about 5% to 10% of people diagnosed with anorexia will die within 10 years of having the disease, about 18% to 20% of people will be dead after having the disease for 20 years and only 30% to 40% of people will recover from it. It is very scary fact that the rate of mortality for people with anorexia is twelve times higher than the rate of death of all of the causes of death for females from 15 to 24 years old. (South Carolina Department of Health). Nearly 20% of the people who have anorexia will die prematurely from health problems and heart problems due to their eating disorder. About 95% of people with an eating disorder are between the ages of 12 and 25, about 50% of females between the ages of 11 and 13 see themselves as overweight, and around 80% of 13 year old’s have, at some point, tried to lose weight. It is a very sad fact that over 80% of females who have made an effort to go get treatment for their eating disorder, have not received the full treatment that they need in order to fully recover. This often leads to the disorder reoccurring and to the patients hurting their health even more. Obviously, eating disorders are really serious and they should be treated as soon as possible.

Since eating disorders are such important problems facing society today, researchers have used psychological theories to try to solve these problems including group therapy, medical treatment, and nutritional counseling. Eating disorders are treatable, and a person who has an eating disorder does have a chance of getting better, however, if the media continues to idolize skinny celebrities and condone their extremely thin size, it will continue to aid people in trying to lose weight. Having an eating disorder is like a really bad habit that needs to be stopped. A lot of people do not have the ability to stop this bad habit on their own, thus they need help from professional doctors and even family. There are several different methods used to treat an eating disorder. Since an eating disorder affects individuals both physically and psychologically, the treatment for an eating disorder has to satisfy both the physical and psychological aspect of the disorder. Medicine alone wont help a patient get better. In order to get positive long term effects from the treatment, a patient has to receive a mix of medical and psychological help for their disorder. Some therapies that psychologists use to determine the problem and treatment of an eating disorder are cognitive behavioral therapy, interpersonal therapy, rational emotive therapy, and psychoanalytic psychotherapy.

Cognitive behavioral therapy allows psychologists to see the patient’s thought process, interpersonal therapy involves dealing with difficult relationships with others, rational emotive therapy involves studying a patient’s unhelpful beliefs, and psychoanalytic psychotherapy involves looking at a person’s past experiences. All of this information can help a psychologist find the problem, and come up with the solution to the problem. Group therapy is a helpful part of treatment that allows sufferers of the similar eating disorders get together to discuss their problem. Groups are able to discuss coping strategies, ask and answer questions, and talk about ways to change their behavior. Medical treatment is necessary in order to make sure that the patient receives full treatment. Drugs such as anti-depressants can be prescribed by an experienced doctor who knows your condition in order to help treat your illness. Nutritional counseling is another effective and good way to help treat eating disorders. Dieticians and nutritionists can help patients understand what a well-balanced diet is and what foods they should eat on a daily basis. Nutritional counseling can also help patients face their fears about food and get over their fears of being afraid to eat.

A lot of people are confused about what “normal eating” is so they need nutritional counseling to help them get back on track. Not that many people who suffer from an eating disorder go to get treated for it. According to the South Carolina Department of Health , only 1 out of 10 people who suffer from an eating disorder go to get treatment. The cost of treatment for an outpatient is very expensive. Costs for outpatient treatment can be over $100,000. In the US, the cost of treatment for an eating disorder per day is anywhere from $500 to $2,000. On average, a person in inpatient treatment has to pay $30,000 a month. People with eating disorders need approximately 3-6 months of inpatient care in order to recover. The cost of treatment for an eating disorder is ridiculously high, and the high costs might be a reason that people do not go to get treated. It is very hard for most families to pay for the treatment of their illness, especially when insurance companies don’t usually cover eating disorder costs. Another way to help reduce the number of people with eating disorders is to educate people about the dangers of eating disorders through media. The media is a good tool to help educate people on the dangers of eating disorders, but it is also a tool that hurts people by condoning the appearances of skinny people who suffer from such disorders. Another way that eating disorders can be treated and minimizes is through the “Doll Experiment”. People were shown that if a human being had the same attributes as a Barbie doll, the body would not be able to hold itself because of its awkward shape and structure. This is a good way to show people that a Barbie doll isn’t necessarily what women today should aim towards looking like. In the same way, the celebrities we see on TV are not people who we should try to look like either.

I believe that as long as the media continues to idolize thin celebrities, the effects of education about the dangers of eating disorders through the media will not be effective. For each step that they take forward to solve the problem, they take two steps back by continuing to idolize thin celebrities. It is not a question of what effects have a greater likelihood of causing an eating disorder, but it is a fact that media does contribute to people developing and maintaining eating disorders. There are other causes of eating disorders, such as interpersonal or biological factors, but if the problem of media influencing eating disorders can be changed, there will be fewer cases of eating disorders. We have to take one step at a time in order to solve this very serious problem of eating disorders, and a great place to start is to change the fact that media influences eating disorders. There is not one cause of eating disorders, but media is a big influence to them since media reaches so many people. Personally, I think that group therapy very helpful in the treatment process of an eating disorder. Victims of an eating disorder are able to ask questions and receive answers in order to better understand their situation.

This is very helpful and it might make the victims of eating disorders feel more comfortable knowing that there are other people out there who are going through the same thing. Unfortunately, people are put under so much pressure to be thin by watching skinny celebrities all over the media be idolized. If they are being idolized does that means that they are good role models and their behaviors should be followed? No, most of the time, celebrities are not good role models. I believe that early childhood education is very important because I think that eating disorders start at an early age when children are naive and susceptible to being changed by others. Educating young kids about the media and how to criticize media is a very important step to reducing the number of people with eating disorders. Since media has such a big influence on eating disorders, children should be able to effectively criticize it and not fall victim to its schemes.

Personally, I don’t think that the media will ever be an effective resource for people to learn the truth and to learn about eating disorders. The media spreads a lot of false information and people tend to misinterpret the messages they hear on TV. Companies try to sell us products that will reduce our weight and make ourselves look “beautiful” by spending millions of dollars on advertisements. Consumers spend a lot of money and time trying to lose weight and buying these products that are not what the body needs. I believe that our bodies know what they need and ever one’s body is different. Everyone has a different metabolism and shape, and we have to learn how to love ourselves for who we are. We need to teach children at a young age that what they say on TV is not what it is cracked up to be and that they need to have self confidence, because if they don’t create an image for themselves, the media will do it for them

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Coping With A Loved Ones’ Eating Disorder During the Holidays

For most people, the holiday season is a wonderful time of year. It is often a time of family reunion, socializing, and celebration – a time when families, friends, and coworkers come together to share good will and good food. The season is meant to be bright, happy, and full of the best of relationships. Yet, for those who suffer with eating disorders, this is often the worst time of the year. For those who are trapped in the private hell of anorexia, bulimia, or binge eating disorder, the Holidays often magnify their personal struggles, causing them great internal pain and turmoil.

At Center for Change, we have asked many patients over the years to share from their private experiences what the Holidays have been like during the years they suffered with an eating disorder. The women quoted in this article are of different ages, but all suffered with the illness for many years. As you read the following passages you will feel something of the agony of suffering with an eating disorder at this festive time of year.

“Unlike any other normal teenager, I always hated it when the holiday season would roll around. It meant that I would have to face my two worst enemies – food and people, and a lot of them. I always felt completely out of place and such a wicked child in such a happy environment. I was the only person who didn’t love food, people, and celebrations. Rather, holidays for me were a celebration of fear and isolation. I would lock myself in my room. Maybe no one else gained weight over the holidays, but just the smell of food added weight to my body. My anorexia destroyed any happiness or relationships I could possibly have had.” -Nineteen-year-old woman

“The holiday season is always the most difficult time of year in dealing with my eating disorder. Holidays, in my family, tend to center around food. The combination of dealing with the anxiety of being around family and the focus on food tends to be a huge trigger for me to easily fall into my eating disorder behaviors. I need to rely on outside support to best cope with the stresses of the holidays.” -Twenty-one-year-old woman

“Over the past few years, during the Thanksgiving and Christmas holiday season I have felt horrible. I felt trapped and like the food was out to get me. I lied on endless occasions to avoid all of the parties and big dinners that go along with the holidays. I felt horrible about my body and did not want anyone to see me eat for fear they would make judgments about me.” -Eighteen-year-old woman

These quotes from women suffering from anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating reveal the emotional intensity they feel during the holiday season. Their fear of gaining weight and becoming, in their minds, fat, gross, and disgusting, is the monster they must deal with every time they partake of any of the foods that are so wonderful and common to the holidays.

Starving for the Holidays – A Tale of Anorexia

Those struggling with anorexia are terrified of the holidays because they have no idea what a normal amount of food is for themselves. Most of them feel that anything they eat will mean instantaneous weight gain. In fact, some of them have said that just the sight or smell of food is terrifying to them because their fear of being fat or becoming fat is so ever-present in their minds. For some, just thinking about food is enough to create intense turmoil, pain, and guilt. Anorexia creates tremendous guilt about any kind of indulgence involving food. The eating of food becomes evidence, in their mind, that they are weak, out of control, and undisciplined. Anorexic men and women are often terrified of being seen eating food or of having people look at them while they eat. One client felt that every eye was on her at holiday gatherings. Many suffering with anorexia have shared their feelings of being immobilized by their fears about food.

“My life with an eating disorder during the holidays is a living hell – constant hiding and fear, confused about life and hating every moment being surrounded by food. There was so much pressure, so many stares and glances, and days with endless comments. My whole life was a mess. There was so much pain and guilt inside of me and I didn’t know where to turn, except to my eating disorder. I hated the pressure of eating the food, the constant worrying of offending others.” -Twenty-two-year-old woman

“It’s hard to be around all the food and festivities. When I’m hurting inside and struggling with what “normal” food portions even are, I need the help, emotional understanding, and support of family and other people. “Handle with care, but please handle.” Accept me the way I am. Let me back in the family” -Twenty-three-year-old woman

The importance of these quotes from clients in treatment for anorexia is found in their honest expression of the tremendous pressure and conflict they feel inside in response to the normal food and social activities of the season. Their internal suffering and pain are often hidden from those around them by their continual remarks about “being fat,” or may also be hidden in their patterns of avoidance and withdrawal from social involvements.

The Hidden Beast of Holiday Feasts – Tales of Bulimia and Binge Eating

On the other end of the eating disorder spectrum, a woman with severe bulimia or binge eating disorder finds the holidays are a genuine nightmare because there is so much emphasis on food that they become preoccupied with it. Binge eating and subsequent purges become even more prevalent because many of the foods and sweets that are associated with holiday celebrations are very enticing to them. The holidays can be a time of convenient indulgence, but also a time of great shame and self-reproach because of their secret life. Some even use the binge eating and/or purging as a form of self-punishment throughout the holidays.

Women who suffer with binge eating or bulimia often live out this painful eating disorder hell in private and in secret, and often feel great self contempt. To many of their family and friends things may look positive and normal even while the sufferer feels significant despair and negativity about their loss of self-control. Those whose family members know about their eating disorder carry this awful feeling that they are the main attraction at the holiday dinner, where every trip to the food or to the bathroom is seen as a major defeat and disappointment to their family.

“Christmas is the hardest time with my bulimia. So much food, so much love, and so much joy, but I could not feel the love or joy, so I indulged in the food as a replacement. It was hard to see everyone so happy before I made the trek to the bathroom. I felt unworthy to be happy. I didn’t deserve the love and joy. I’ve discovered that if I can focus on the love and joy, everything else falls into place” -Eighteen-year-old-woman

“The secrecy and lying make it very difficult for me during the holiday season. I have to decide whether to restrict my food or to binge and then sneak away to purge.” -Twenty-two-year-old-woman

Some of the painful consequences of binge eating and bulimia are found in the time, planning, and dishonesty that is required to protect and cover up their eating disorder during the holidays. They often feel hatred for themselves for the ongoing deception to family and friends to excuse or explain their behaviors. In addition, they live in constant fear of being “found out” by their significant others, or in fear of continually letting others down because of their inability to stop their compulsive behaviors.

Family and Friends – Turning Potential Triggers into Gifts of Support

Holiday ideals epitomize what is good about family and other personal relationships. Activities during this time of year can involve family members and friends in intense and often emotional ways. Unfortunately, those with eating disorders can find it terrifying to be emotionally close with other people. In such situations they may feel vulnerable and unsafe, and then revert to their eating disorder to restore a sense of control and self-protection.

Some family dynamics, such as conflict, can be triggering to those with eating disorder difficulties. Struggles with perfectionism, feelings of rejection, disapproval, and fear of being controlled, are all cited frequently by women who suffer with the illness. Harboring strong feelings and beliefs that parents, family members, or friends find them unacceptable, inadequate, or disappointing is challenging for anyone, but is particularly devastating to someone with a painful eating disorder. Being immersed in a family setting during the holidays has the potential to dredge up old issues, fears, conflicts, and worries about family relationships. The resulting emotional disruption can feed the eating disorder and exacerbate the problem.

“Having an eating disorder during the holidays presents quite a contradiction in my mind. I anticipate all the food and get excited, while at the same time I dread the many family members around. I feel that the family is over to “watch”. I know that they simply want to reach out and help, but I feel that a big help would be to make a concerted effort to shift the holiday focus from the food to the underlying purpose. I wish the food could be a minor deal, just an accessory to the holiday, rather than the focus.” -Twenty-year-old woman

“Holidays, with all the food and family commotion, are pure hell when you have an eating disorder. For me, when the focus isn’t on food and is on the real reason for the holiday, it’s a big help. My family helped me out with this one, but I had to do most of it internally. Remember, it’s just food, and we have more power than food.” -Thirty-nine-year-old woman

The following suggestions resulted from a survey question we asked patients in treatment: “What three suggestions do you have for family and friends who want to help the holiday season go a little better for a loved one suffering with an eating disorder?” The women offering these suggestions range in age from fourteen to forty-four, and their suggestions offer some valuable insight and understanding that could be helpful to you as a friend or a family member. Being compassionate about the struggles of the eating disorder illness can help make the Holidays less of a battle for those you love. The suggestions are:

- Do not make a big issue about what your loved one is eating. A little bit of encouragement is okay.
- Do not focus too much on food, it may only fuel the eating disorder.
- Ask her how she is doing and see if she needs any help.
- Do not become angry about how the she feels, just do your best to support her.
- Offer a lot of support and be aware of what may be creating anxiety and try and understand what she feels. Be understanding, kind, and supportive.
- Spend quality time with your loved one.
- Make sure that the primary focus of the holiday is not on the food but rather on the family and the valued time you will share together.
- Allow for other activities that do not involve food, such as games, singing carols together, opening gifts, decorating, and spending time just talking together.
- Allow her to make a dish that she would feel comfortable eating.
- Before the Holiday itself, and before family gatherings, make agreements about how you can best help your loved one with food. Honor the agreements you make.
- Do not give her loud and attention drawing praise when she does eat.
- Do not talk about diets, weight loss, or weight gain. It causes great anxiety and may increase a felt need to engage in eating disorder behavior.
- Do not stare.
- Learn enough about the illness and the triggers to help your loved one develop skills as well as strategies to defy eating disorder thoughts and urges.
- Know something about her struggles, triggers, and behaviors. Then, if you see those, you can approach her after a meal in private and suggest ways she might be helped in some of those behaviors and learn ways you can be helpful and supportive.
- If you see her struggling, ask if she wants to talk, but ask this in private.
- Focus on how she is feeling inside, what issues she is worrying about, what her fears are, what she needs, rather than just how much she is eating or not eating.
- Try not to focus too much attention on the eating disordered behaviors.
- Be patient and nurturing.
- Treat her with love and respect no matter what is going on.
- Let her know that she is loved.
- Help her take her mind off of food by generating a conversation with her about general or important topics.
- Don’t allow her to excessively isolate.
- Be there for her emotionally and physically with hugs and messages of love.

There are several themes that are evident in these suggestions for loved ones and friends by those suffering with eating disorders. One of the most important is to keep the primary focus and interest on the family member or friend – the individual beyond her eating behaviors or eating disorder. Consider well these suggestions, they are actually heartfelt requests.

How Family and Friends Can Help During the Holidays

Family members and friends need to know ways to help a loved one suffering from an eating disorder during the holidays. In addition to those suggestions offered above, the following suggestions from clinical professionals may also be helpful:

- If your loved one is a child or adolescent in treatment, and/or if you are involved in Maudsley/Family Based Treatment, then continue with your regular outlined treatment plan through the Holidays.
- If your loved ones is a child or adolescent with anorexia, then learn about the Maudsley/ Family Based Treatment approach. It is important to give this approach consideration.
- If your loved one is an acute medical or self harm risk then arrange for intensive medical/psychiatric care immediately.
- Get professional help for your loved one with those who have experience and expertise with eating disorder treatment.
- It is important for everyone to be honest and up front with each other.

When going into a family or social event, especially if people are aware of the eating disorder problem, it is helpful that everyone talks honestly about what will help and what will not help during the event. Armed with this knowledge, family and friends can set up some structure around holiday activities that is agreeable to all parties involved. Give reassurance about your desire to “be supportive” of them without trying to control every problem. You can respond to their feedback about what may be helpful to them by making positive adjustments. It helps to express love, gratitude, respect, and acceptance for your loved one.

- It is important to emphasize the purpose for the celebration of the holiday and focus less on food or meals.

If the focus is on the holiday itself and its true meaning and purpose rather than on the food or eating disorder, it will be easier for your loved one to focus less on it herself. Emphasize time together, activities, and traditions that transcend meals and eating. Let food become a support to the holiday rather than its central focus.

- It is important for family and friends not to feel responsible and guilty for the eating disorder.

There is no need and there is no good time to feel guilty or at fault for your loved one’s eating disorder. The Holidays are especially not the time. Eating disorders are complex illnesses that are not caused by one person or one relationship. It is also important for the eating disordered person not to feel responsible for their family and friend’s emotional response to the eating disorder. One helpful agreement around the holiday season is, “We will spend time focusing on the need for nourishment as previously agreed upon, and primarily, we will spend time focusing on each other and the things that are available and that are meaningful in our family or social setting.” Let them know that you can look beyond the outward manifestations of the eating disorder because you are also concerned about the hurt, pain, fear, and guilt they are feeling inside. In acknowledging the pain inside, no one has to be at fault or to blame for the eating disorder, allowing positive family associations and caring to become the emphasis. There is no need to “walk on egg shells”, especially when everyone understands and acknowledges the underlying needs associated with the eating disorder. Compassion is a wonderful holiday gift for someone with an eating disorder.

- It can be helpful during the holiday season to break activities into smaller numbers of people, when possible.

It is easier and less overwhelming to deal with five people than fifty people. Invite your friends or family members to participate in smaller, quieter, and less chaotic social activities and events. Simple talking and sharing as a small circle of family members or friends can do much to increase the sense of belonging and safety for someone with an eating disorder.

- Encourage your family member or friend to gather extra support around themselves during the holidays.

Additional support can come from extended family, other friends, community, and even treatment team members. If you recognize the benefit of these additional support people during the holidays, you can encourage this extra involvement rather than be hurt and offended by it. Sometimes, a person with an eating disorder might not be ready yet to receive the full love and support family and friends offer, but support and love them anyway! You can send the message, “We’re here to support you and it’s okay if others support you as well. We want you to have all the help you need during this time.”

- It is important for family and friends to remove any unreasonable behavior expectations or pressures of performance.

Sometimes you want so much for things to be better that you do not realize how your disappointed hopes and expectations actually play out as triggers for the eating disorder. Letting go of these specific expectations in your own mind frees you up to respond to and enjoy whatever your loved one is capable of during the holidays. It would be more helpful to express a lot of warmth, love, kindness, and acceptance toward the person – “There is no pressure to prove anything to us during the holidays. We just want to focus on being together the best we can.” Eliminating specific, overt, or implicit expectations will be more beneficial than almost anything else you can do.

- It is important to offer care “giving” and not care “taking.” Being a self declared nurse, dietitian, therapist, or detective takes you out of your most important role – “loved one”

It is not your job to fix or solve the eating disorder. It is your job to encourage nourishment of the body and provide nourishment to the soul. Working too hard to stop the eating disorder behaviors during the holidays can fuel dishonesty and defensiveness which actually feeds the problem. You are not responsible to say or do everything right. Nothing you do or not do will take away your friend or family member’s own responsibility to overcome and recover from their eating disorder. She/he is the only one who can do that job, but you can care, empathize, encourage, and share the process with them. The good intent you express is often more helpful than what is actually said or done. If your friend or family member knows that your heart is on their side, then you become a source of comfort, support, and safety to them.

Conclusion

These general holiday suggestions by patients and professionals are not a complete list, but they do emphasize some positive approaches to help and support someone suffering with an eating disorder. The specific ideas, strategies, and agreements that can come out of your interactions with your loved one before and during the holidays will allow these ideas to be personalized and unique for each situation. Remember also, that the person struggling with the eating disorder has her own list of positive things that she can do to help her through the holiday season as well. We hope this article is helpful in better understanding the significant and difficult ordeal those who suffer from eating disorders will face at this season of the year. We hope this awareness and understanding will help us identify the best gifts of the holidays for those we love and care so much about at this time of year.

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